What Acceptance Really Means
I use the term acceptance a lot in my work with people and often it can cause confusion at first.
Usually, it is helpful to first review what tends to come to mind for folks and what I do not mean when I say this word.
What Acceptance Is (and Isn't)
First, acceptance is not approval nor is it resignation. In these instances, people usually hear acceptance as “I guess I have to accept this negative situation since I can’t control it.” That lends itself to an attitude of helplessness and defeat. From this mindset, it would be really difficult to be motivated to move forward toward something that is important to you. Resignation will take the wind out of your sails and drain your energy quickly.
So what do I mean when I suggest that someone practice acceptance?
I mean to encourage the person to take in, without judgment or attempts to change it, whatever situation, thought, emotion, or sensation they are experiencing. That means allowing thoughts to be what they are or a sensation to arise as it is, without trying to avoid or manipulate it.
You might be wanting to ask me at this moment - Jenny, why on earth should I be willing to experience painful thoughts, sensations, or feelings?
The rationale is this - if you aren’t willing to experience certain things you become destined to continue experiencing them. This process is outlined in some more detail in previous blog posts (see suggested reads below). Essentially, when you try to avoid, distract, or suppress a thought (or feeling, sensation, etc.) it doesn’t actually go away. It will continue to happen and then you will be inclined to use whatever strategy to avoid/suppress/distract from and the cycle will begin again.
The Real Goal of Acceptance
A word of caution though: The goal is not to never experience a negative or painful emotion. The goal is to learn how to live your life and move toward your goals while experiencing the negative or painful things.
Why Avoidance Keeps You Stuck
When we are avoiding, we are typically making choices that mean our work gets smaller or less fulfilling and vibrant. If we can learn to work through the negative stuff, we can reach for those moments of joy and vitality that open up for more excitement and connection.
Trust the Process
The problem is that painful thoughts or feelings hurt! It takes a lot to be willing to experience those things and it may also require trusting the process a bit. It feels counterintuitive at first. It seems like opening yourself up to the thoughts or feelings might make them worse or more persistent; however, I imagine they are already pretty painful and consistent. That’s why you are in a cycle of using the avoidance techniques that don’t really make life brighter.
So if that is the case: you are avoiding or distracting yourself, continuing to feel pain or upset, and cycling back to the carousel of no progress - why not give something else a try?
The Role of Therapy in Building Acceptance
Think about what kinds of things you’ve been avoiding experiencing and how your life could be different if those things weren’t holding you back. If you are curious and willing, I am here for you on that journey. When you are ready, I’m ready to help. Reach out to me and let’s get started learning to accept the tough stuff and start moving toward the life you want to live.
Summary/TL;DR
Acceptance doesn’t mean resigning yourself to a negative situation. Instead, it’s the practice of allowing thoughts and feelings to arise without judgment, which helps break cycles of avoidance. This approach can make it easier to focus on your goals and connect to a life of purpose and vitality. Working with an experienced therapist can make this journey smoother and more impactful. If you’re ready to explore acceptance, anxiety management services are a great place to start.
