Face Unwanted Thoughts Head On
We all have unpleasant thoughts and feelings from time to time. If you’re someone who struggles with anxiety or depression, these thoughts and feelings can be particularly painful.
Navigating Unwanted Thoughts and Emotions
When painful thoughts and emotions come up, it is reasonable to want to get rid of them. After all, who wants to have pain? Often, when there is something causing us pain in a physical sense we can avoid it. For example, if wearing certain shoes or bending in a particular way causes physical discomfort, we can avoid the discomfort by changing our shoes or the position in which we are sitting.
Why Avoidance Doesn't Work with Emotional Pain
Unfortunately, with emotional pain and discomfort it isn’t so simple and certainly not as effective; yet, we continually try to avoid this type of pain in the same way.
Consider all the ways you might try to cope with an uncomfortable thought or feeling. Make a list on a sheet of paper or in your mind. Some examples could include distracting yourself with scrolling on your phone, having a glass of wine, or even taking on extra work responsibilities. While these things might take our mind off of the discomfort for a time, they don’t resolve the issues in the long run.
The Reinforcing Cycle of Avoidance
After a period of time, short or long, those unhelpful and painful thoughts will arise again and we will need to use our go-to strategies again. Not only do the thoughts and feelings come back - they sometimes come back more powerfully.
Consider avoidance in the context of the discomfort in public speaking. If someone has a fear of public speaking, they tend to avoid it at all costs. Maybe their job requires them to attend meetings but they get by with minimal participation. Now, imagine this person wants to progress in their career but it will be leading a team, perhaps increasingly larger teams, and may even presenting in front of a department or at conferences. This person will continue trying to avoid or delegate these experiences, but in the long run it might hold them back from going for or being considered for promotions. If their goal is to advance, this could be pretty detrimental to their career.
When the individual first makes the decision to avoid the feared situation, the initial reaction is probably relief. They are certainly going to try to continue avoiding engagements like this in the future; however, over time the fear only grows. The avoidance is reinforcing the fear and the individual never learns how to face situations like this in the future that could result in progression and empowerment.
The outcome with avoidance in this scenario is reduced opportunities for growth in the person’s career, which may impact their network, their finances, and their sense of accomplishment.
Facing Thoughts Head-On
So what can we do instead? Learn to face unhelpful thoughts and feelings head on. When we stop trying so hard to push away or suppress these experiences, we free up energy to put towards experiences we actually want to have. It’s all about learning new ways to cope with these unwanted thoughts and feelings that don’t make them stronger or more powerful.
Embracing New Strategies for Growth
Remember, it isn't any easy thing to do. The first step is becoming aware of the types of things we avoid and our typical ways of avoiding them. Then we can start learning some new strategies. Therapy options such as anxiety management can offer helpful strategies to address these thoughts directly and effectively.
Do you think it’s time for something new? If you are ready for support in building up your awareness or developing some new approaches instead of the same old stuff, give me a call. I love helping people learn to sit with the discomfort and stop letting the pain prevent them from living the life they want to live.
Summary / TL;DR
Avoiding unwanted thoughts might provide temporary relief, but it often strengthens anxiety and limits growth. Building awareness and facing discomfort directly can help you conserve energy and gain resilience. Reach out if you're ready for strategies to navigate and transform challenging thoughts.
