Managing Holiday Stress
Sometimes it seems like everyone around you is excited for the holidays. All that cheer all over the place. You see it in the stores, you see it on your social media, and you hear it from your family. If you are someone who feels overwhelmed by all the holiday pressures and finds it to be anything but cheery - you are not alone. You might look forward to some parts of it or you might find yourself wishing you could hit a fast forward button and jump straight to January. Whatever your anticipated level of holiday stress, let’s talk about some ways to manage it.
In this post, I’ll address some of the sources of stress I’ve heard about over and over again throughout the years. I’ll also include thoughts about how you might manage some of them and perhaps even find yourself a little more cheerful.
So, What is So Stressful About the Holidays?
Too Many Commitments
Sometimes there are just too many events to attend or participate in. Immediate family dinners. Extended family gatherings. Work parties. School festivities for the kiddos. Church services. Neighborhood cookie swap. Friendsgiving. Holiday happy hours. The list could go on and on. And the list can multiply exponentially depending on the makeup of your family and the communities in which you participate. Sometimes you are even expected to attend multiple events on the same day. I’d bet many people reading this post have at least once had two big holiday dinners on the same day in order to see multiple sides of a family for some occasion.
The Reality of It
Short of figuring out how to clone yourself, how are you supposed to attend all the events that you might be invited to? The answer: you aren’t. Truly, it is okay to say no to an invitation to something. It is okay to skip a work party, not participate in a white elephant gift exchange, or tell Great Aunt Sally that you are already committed elsewhere (even if elsewhere is just your own living room with your children).
Identify Your Priorities
So, first consider what is of importance to you during the end of the year season. There may be some traditions that are really near and dear to your heart. Figure out what those values are and set aside time for them on the calendar. Consider everything else up for debate depending on your availability of time and energy.
I hear some of you saying - but what about my elderly family members that it is so important to see during this time of year. To that I say - if that is what is most important to you - make time for it. If making it happen brings on incredible stress and anxiety for whatever reason - find a compromise. Maybe it is visiting those family members another time of the year or even just on a different day during the holiday season in order to avoid the aforementioned multiple feasts on the same day. Maybe it is creating a boundary around how much time you are willing to spend at any given event. Whatever you decide, set the expectations and follow through.
Disrupted Routines
This is a time of year when routines can feel woefully forgotten. All the commitments, travel, and time off work can leave us feeling pretty untethered and out of sorts. It is easy to say to ourselves we will get back on track once things slow down. And that may be true. However, I would encourage you to try to incorporate or maintain some pieces of what works for you throughout the year.
Strategies to Manage Stress and Anxiety During the Holidays
Keep up with sleep routines. Getting enough rest is always very important for managing our health and emotions. Give yourself permission to leave an event early or skip it altogether if necessary.
Make space for quiet, personal time to recharge. Set aside some time for reading a good book, listening to music that energizes you, or watching a show you love cozied up on the couch.
Be sure to move your body in some ways. It can be as simple as going for a short walk in the afternoon or standing up and doing some stretches at your desk between meetings.
Managing Uncomfortable Conversations
It is likely that during the holidays you will be around people you don’t gather with as often as other times throughout the year. Often, that can mean facing some conversations you know will make you feel cringey, panicked, or overwhelmed. When the conversation starts to turn in a direction that makes you uncomfortable, there are a few things you can do.
Pay attention. Be sure to check in with yourself throughout your visit. If you start to feel uncomfortable, you may notice things like your heart starting to race, a pit forming in your stomach, or tension creeping into your muscles. When you notice these things, acknowledge them to yourself. You might want to take a few deep breaths or move your body (standing up, walking into another room, etc). These are early warning signs of emotional activation that might make you more prone to overwhelm, irritation, or anger if an uncomfortable conversation hooks you.
2. Set the boundary. A great way to avoid uncomfortable conversations is by gently and directly asking the person initiating them to stop. For example, you might say “Uncle Jerry, I feel really drained when the conversation turns to work. This is my time off and I’d prefer to just not have to think about it right now.” Or “Grandpa, I feel tense when we start talking about politics. Can we please talk about something else?” The person you are addressing may or may not respect this boundary. If they don’t, you can end the conversation completely and find somewhere else to sit for a while.
3. Disengage. If you don’t even want or aren’t yet ready to attempt to actively set a boundary, you can passively do so by removing yourself from the situation. You can find an opening in the conversation and politely excuse yourself to the bathroom or another room or to check on another person.
Now, I am all for leaning into discomfort and having uncomfortable discussions with important people in your life. It can be very fulfilling and important to deeply explore thoughts, feelings, and beliefs with others. However, not every moment is appropriate for this and not every conversation is worth having. I would argue a holiday get together full of extended family is generally not the time to take the deep dive. If those conversations are really important to you, honor them with time set aside specifically for that purpose.
Tips to Avoid Overspending
The pressure to consume this time of year is real. It can be a huge stressor on people and really push the boundaries of what we are comfortable with when it comes to our budgets. If you find yourself caught up in this particular type of stress, try some proactive strategies.
1. You might develop a holiday budget (x amount per person or a total for the season you feel comfortable with). If you do that, be sure to track it so you know when you are getting close to your limits. Do your best to hold yourself accountable or enlist an accountability buddy!
2. You could also use your boundaries (see above) to say no to certain gift-giving events or activities.
3. Alternatively, you could consider re-gifting (yes, that is okay!), giving of your time (committing to quality time with the person), or providing a service (taking children off someone’s hands for an evening can be priceless). If you are crafty, you might even consider homemade gifts (if that doesn’t cause more stress than it alleviates!).
The idea here is to identify your values and stick with what is important to you instead of getting caught up in the expectations of others.
Don’t Forget: Find Things to Enjoy
I hope whatever stressful things you might be facing as the year comes to an end, you are also able to find some moments of enjoyment for yourself. Engage in some activities you love, connect with people you trust and have fun with, and try not to over commit yourself in any area. While sometimes it seems easiest to just wish the time away until things settle down - I urge you not to lose sight of finding joy in little moments (see my recent post on gratitude) whenever and however you can.
Summary/TL;DR
The holidays can be overwhelming with too many commitments, disrupted routines, uncomfortable conversations, and financial stress. This post offers practical advice to manage holiday anxiety, such as prioritizing events, maintaining routines, setting boundaries in difficult conversations, and avoiding overspending. Ultimately, it's about finding balance and creating joyful moments for yourself, even in a busy season.
Work with Me
If you would like to get further support in managing stress and anxiety during the holiday season and beyond, please reach out. Click here for my contact information to schedule a 10-minute, no-obligation meeting to see if we are a good fit. Let me help you silence your inner critic and improve your overall mental well-being.
