Therapy is increasingly accepted and talked about but it can still get a bad rap sometimes. It can be intimidating if you’ve never been before (and maybe even if you have!). There are so many misconceptions and misunderstandings about therapy, therapists, and the people who go. I want to take some time to address common myths or misunderstanding that I’ve heard over the years:  

The Therapy Myths

Myth #1: My therapist is a mind reader

I hope we all can understand that this is not literally true; however, it can sometimes seem that way. Like your therapist can predict what you are thinking or anticipate what you’ve been holding back. This is because it is our job to be highly attuned to our clients and we have years of experience noticing patterns in people. 

Sometimes, we might wish our therapist were a mind reader so we wouldn’t have to say the tough things out loud. And while a therapist might notice things in a more nuanced way (again - we are not mind readers), this means a lot of the time, if you aren’t sharing something, your therapist won’t know. Your therapist can only work with what you give them and if you aren’t being honest about some things, it can absolutely take longer to address some of the things you might be hoping to resolve. 

Obviously, some things are really hard and scary to talk about and I am not advocating for sharing anything before you are ready. There should be an established trust in the relationship with your therapist before you can really get to the hard things. And if you don’t feel comfortable with your therapist, talk with them about that or find a new therapist. Your therapy will only be as successful as the relationship itself and there is no harm in finding someone new if you don’t have the right fit with your current therapist.

Myth #2: Everything I talk about is completely private

This is a tough one. We’d like to believe that we can tell our therapists absolutely anything and everything without fear of that information going anywhere else. That is mostly true. While therapists are bound by laws and ethics to maintain privacy and confidentiality of their clients, there are handfuls of exceptions to these rules. 

One example of an exception is when there is concern you might hurt yourself or someone else. Now, this doesn’t mean if you are having thoughts of harming yourself you can’t share them with a therapist. It means that when it seems like there is a concern of imminent harm, your therapist will need to intervene. It is part of the job to keep everyone safe and we never want to see harm come to our clients or someone else. Another example involves mandated reporting and that means instances of child abuse, elder abuse or dependent adult abuse will need to be reported to the propor agencies. The nuances around these rules can vary by state and your therapist should make you aware of any relevant reporting requirements. Another exception might be information that gets shared with your insurance company or third-party payer if you use one to pay for your therapy. Insurance companies require a disclosed diagnosis and, at times, information about treatment (ex. goals, progress, or treatment interventions) in order to approve payment for the services. 

Anytime you feel unclear or uncertain about where and how your information might be shared, I encourage you to talk with your therapist about it. While this is typically covered in the beginning of therapy, it is appropriate and important to talk about any time you have questions about it.

Myth #3: I’ll be in therapy forever if I go OR it should work in 1-2 sessions, right? 

Neither! There are so many elements that go into determining how long you might be in therapy. Every person and their situation is different. Some people might find significant relief after speaking with someone for only a handful of meetings. Maybe there is a very specific concern they needed to address and after some concrete problem solving, it feels better. Others may want to explore many different aspects of themselves, their lives, and ways to address or influence a problem area. For some people, patterns in their lives have been occurring for many years and to try out a new way of behaving can take some time to shift. Some therapists have a more structured way of navigating meetings and might be able to give you a clear expectation of how many meetings they anticipate to address your concerns. Others, like myself, take a more unstructured approach and instead engage in regular check-ins to assess how you are feeling, progress, and future planning. 

Myth #4: Therapy is just paying for a friendship 

Definitely untrue. There are many differences between friendship and a therapeutic relationship. First and foremost, your therapist is not your friend. In a friendship, there is a back and forth. Typically, you’d know some pretty personal information about friends and when you have conversations, there is an exchange of information from both sides. Therapy is more one-sided. You don’t get to hear the personal complaints and struggles that your therapist experiences (and trust me, it is not because they don’t have any). Also, while a friend may give great advice or be an excellent listener, a therapist is specifically trained to listen and guide in particular ways. Hopefully, they even have specialized training in an area relevant to your complaints. A therapist is also objective in a way a friend is not - the therapist doesn’t have ties to any other individuals in your life so they can help you identify patterns or problem solve in a way a friend may not be able to. 

Myth #5: I have to be really messed up to go to therapy 

Untrue! Therapy is for everyone! I sincerely hope this is a misconception that is losing steam in our culture today. Therapy is becoming more and more accepted and discussed in the mainstream. I think the stigma around being in therapy is decreasing every day. That can be seen in social media (think of how many tik toks or reddit threads you’ve seen dedicated to what someone has learned in therapy) as well as in our health care systems (more and more companies and insurance providers are promoting and paying for mental health care services). I believe that truly anyone can benefit from talking with a therapist. Having that unbiased person to talk through problems with, that has no agenda for you other than helping you reach the goals you lay out, can be highly rewarding and productive. It might be seeing someone for a few sessions to work through a tough transition (think: changing jobs, having a baby, moving to a new city) or developing a longer-term relationship to talk through a traumatic event or change some seemingly ingrained patterns (think: continually avoiding things you want to do because of fear or anxiety). Whatever your stress is stemming from, I hope you would consider the potential benefits of seeing a therapist even if you don’t consider “stressed enough” or “messed up enough.”

Myth #6: My therapist will try to change who I am 

Definitely not. Your therapist isn’t going to try to change anything about who you are. They might help you work toward changing some behaviors, patterns, or mindsets but that should also be based on what you’ve come to them saying you want to work on. Your therapist doesn’t have a hidden agenda to make you into some version of what they think you should be. As I try to instill in my clients I work with, I am just a mirror. I hold it up and help you see things that might have felt messy or unclear before talking them out. It is about helping you live the life you want to live, not the life I want you to live. 

Myth #7: Therapists have it all together 

Hear this loud and clear: therapists are people too. We all have “our stuff.” I don’t think I’ve ever met a single person who has it all figured out. Everyone struggles with some things some of the time and therapists are no exception. Now, ethically, it is important that therapists are taking good care of themselves so they can take good care of their clients. But that certainly does not mean they don’t have grief, sadness, anxiety, or trauma. It is our job to make sure those things don’t interfere with our work, and if it starts to, take the necessary steps to adjust, slow down, or get our own therapy to work through it.

I hope this post dispels at least some of these common myths about therapy and therapists. I know there are many others and maybe those can be the focus of a future blog post. For now, keep in mind that you can always ask your own therapist or potential therapist or friend who goes to therapy about their real experiences! If you are looking for a therapist yourself and aren’t sure where to start you can check out my other post about “How to Find a Therapist.” 

Summary/TL;DR

Therapy is often misunderstood, with myths ranging from therapists being mind readers to the belief that you need to be seriously "messed up" to go. Therapy is for anyone seeking mental clarity or support, not just those with severe issues. It’s a space to explore your challenges and grow without the stigma or misconceptions. Whether you need a few sessions or ongoing support, therapy can be tailored to you. Understanding the process and relationship with your therapist is key to having a successful experience.